A little boy went into a drug store, reached for a soda carton and ask him for a Phone Call.
Shop-owner replied Sweety this is no a STD, but you can do one call.
The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:

The boy asked, "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?
The woman replied, "I already have someone to cut my lawn."

Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now." replied boy.
The woman responded that she was very satisfied with the person who was presently cutting her lawn.

The little boy found more perseverance and offered,
"Lady, I'll even sweep your curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will have the prettiest lawn in all of North-Palm beach, Florida."

Again the woman answered in the negative. With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver.
The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy and said,

"Son... I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job."
The little boy replied, "No thanks, I was just checking my performance with the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady, I was talking to!"

Your ALTITUDE is decided by your ATTITUDE...

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A holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said, "Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like".

The Lord led the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in. In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water. The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly.

They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful, but because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths. The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering. The Lord said, "You have seen Hell."

They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one. There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking. The holy man said, "I don't understand." "It is simple" said the Lord, "it requires but one skill. You see, they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves."

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There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appears. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4
swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the
pool and jump, you shout What you want the pool of water to become,
then your wish will come true."

The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine.
The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.

Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contentedwith his beer pool.
The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pooland shouted, "SHIT !!!!!!!........."

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Mind your language, you never Know what it will land you in.

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Do you wonder why call centre guys are paid so much for just being on the phone?
Take a look...

1)TechSup: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Cust: "Ok."
TechSup: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Cust: "No."
TechSup: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Cust: "No."
TechSup: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Cust: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

2)Cust: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."
TechSup: "Did you install the update?"
Cust: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"

3)Cust: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
TechSup: "Tell me what you've done."
Cust: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."
TechSup: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Cust: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
TechSup: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Cust: "What?"
TechSup: "Did you buy MS word?"
Cust: "No..."

4)Cust: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
TechSup: ?!%#$

5)TechSup: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Cust: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

6)TechSup: "What type of computer do you have?"
Cust: "A white one."

7)TechSup: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."
Cust: "How do you spell that?"

8)TechSup: "What's on your screen right now?"
Cust: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store."

9)TechSup: "What operating system are you running?"
Cust: "Pentium."

10)Cust: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."

11)Cust: "I have Microsoft Exploder."

12)Cust: "How do I print my voicemail?"

13)Cust: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won't boot properly."
TechSup: "What does it say?"
Cust: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
TechSup: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Cust: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."

14)TechSup: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."
Cust: "Is that Eastern time?"

15)TechSup: "What does the screen say now?"
Cust: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
TechSup: "Well?"
Cust: "How do I know when it's ready?"

16) A plain computer illeterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you
the file. Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.

17)CCO: "I need a product identification no. right now and may I help u in finding it out?"
Cust: Sure
CCO: Could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?
Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?

Now what do you say??

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